Today I woke up in a positive frame of mind. I decided that after the 'write off' of a day yesterday (my back was sooo bad, I sat on the sofa all day watching mindless daytime tv and catching up on Emmerdale and In The Club...OMG that show is brilliant.) I would attempt to be a little more positive and push through the pain today.
It is also GCSE day, the day my middle son collects his results. I have just got home after dropping him at his 'boyfriends' and let's say he didn't get what I imagined he'd get. I dropped him at the school gates after being told frantically as I approached them, "no mum, don't go in, you can't go in, I'll walk from here!" Ok! So I reverse back down the drive a bit (no room to turn, without entering said gates) and park up just outside. I had visions of him coming towards the car smiling and waving the papers excitedly at me, but not even 2 minutes later he strolled out through the gates, head down, papers clutched in his fist and on his phone! Obviously checking results with mates.
Now, to say I'm disappointed is not a word I generally like to use when it comes to my kids, I am very proud of all three of my children and know that they only ever do their best. However, where are the B's he said he'd get, or the 'walk in the park' result for English. To be honest, he only really needs 5 C's to get on the course he's enrolling on later but and this is a big BUT, they have to include Maths and English! He gets a C in maths, lucky! a C in English literature and a D...yes a D in English Language. How can he fail language when all through his coursework and homework and reports he was doing well..... Or was he!!!
I'm sat here now feeling really guilty and angry, at myself not him. He hated the school and had a lot of personal problems there which they brushed under the carpet, but maybe I should have pushed him a little harder. He did revise, at least he said he was revising. How can you check? the teachers nagged him, I nagged him, his dad nagged him. There is only so much nagging and making him understand the importance of his exams that you can give or he can take. Maybe we all nagged too much and pushed him the other way. He knew that he needed those 2 grades to make the course, well we'll see this afternoon if he can still enroll and retake English alongside.
My work colleague, who happens to be an amazing teacher, told me what she had told her son before his exams...you will only get the results you deserve. I did pinch it and tell my son the same and all I can say now is, Well Son, you got what you deserved!
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